Update: Here's Elby's contribution to the campaign
And here's a really disturbing one from Modo. Genius
38 comments:
The Beast from East1
said...
No tie and he seems to be wearing a cow pat upon his head, at least he isnt wearing a bow tie, the sure sign of a complete wanker (unless white or black). He also has a very fat bottom , just like McMental and Portaloo.
Dan Hannan. Now I have nothing agin him, even though he has taken the trouble to learn Spanish, but, but, but... deary me. Doesn't he work at the Nationwide or somesuch. Where is our Alec Douglas-Home, Campbell-Bannerman, Walpole, Lloyd George, Robert Arthur Talbot Gascoyne-Cecil, William Pitt, Winston Churchill, Benjamin Disraeli?
I know a few words of Spanish. It's very useful when travelling in Spanish-speaking countries because - very sensibly - they aren't interested in people who can't be bothered to try speaking their language.
I don't particularly like Cam or his mates but I think we probably do need a wet soft leftie Tory to make the transition between the New Labour era and the repairing-the-damage era.
Wouldn't it be awesome if during Cam's presidency the Labour party collapsed and the government was attacked from the right rather than the left?
I remember once being up in that Blackpool for the Tory conference, though I have to confess that things didn't go too well. I thought I should grab the chance to write a few words in case I didn’t get another. As I wrote, My Man was fighting a rearguard battle to keep the hoards of proles from breaking down my boarding room door. Excuse my typing. I wrote what might have been a despatch from the living side of the great divide.
I don’t honestly know how they spotted that I was an old-style Tory. The day had gone so swimmingly and I would never have expected these new Tories to turn so mean quite so quickly. But that’s the problem with proles when they take the blue rosette. They don’t know their own minds. One minute they’re necking the cheap white wine and the next they’re taking offence at the merely suggestion that they don’t wash, are poorly educated, and have neither the breeding nor wits to be true Tories. Oh yes, I might have also hinted that they occasionally have sexual relations with members of their immediate family.
But don’t blame me. I say that the Cameron fellow has brought all this on himself. I’m all for modernisation, but it must be the right modernisation. Like the way I’ve allowed my estate managers to modernise the fences around my land by running a bit of electricity through them. That’s modernisation that’s both practical and traditional. Telling people that we’re all equal in the Tory party was a sure recipe for disaster. And who came up with this idea of the poor improving their lot? Who’s lot do you think they’re going to improve it with? My lot. That’s what.
Anyhow my Man saved the day again. His screams were frightening even when heard from the safety of a wardrobe.
I knew I should never have gone north, the moment I caught the scent of fish and chips outside the Watford Gap service station.
Lilith you are even more alluring now that you are Mrs Berserk. Come dance with me 'neath the pale moonlight, and we will make a set of horns for your nearest and dearest. These days I might well stand out like the proverbial at any Tory shindig; fantastic oafs the lot of them. Do you remember that program on the wireless about football? Fairyland Football, or something very much like that, had the smarty jew Badedas and that Northen Johnny on it, I think they were fairies. Anyhow they had a wish list of footballers. Do you recall? Well what would be your Fairyland cabinet? Pick from any team, mix and match; opposites attract. Like a half chinese black lady with a Spanish accent. Is Cyril Smith still alive?
I want to take Ed Ballbags job. Every Monday The Beast would randomnly turn up at a school ,then take the most badly behaved pupil and beat the shit out of them after prayers in front of the whole school It didnt work for me but gave everybody a laugh so a result and extra kudos
Hellfire, somehow I've missed all this discussion, and now it's far too late...!
Bugger!
Modo is almost certainly a Sergeant at Arms, (see his avatar), but I'd never be Speaker, because I'd want to use that stick thing with a knob on the end to bash to death everyone on the right side.
I'd be like Heseltine - with less hair, and get arrested or something...
Trubes - Speaker, because she has the legs (Betty B. lookalike...)
Idle - Minister for Money.
Elbers - Minister for Height.
Lils - Minister for Extended Lunch.
Tuscs - Minister for Oil Futures.
Fuller - Minister for Villages. (435 at last count...)
Scrobs: I do not look at all like Betty Boothroyd, although I am quite flatterd to be likened to her. Good idea about being Speaker....I'd soon sort the lying thieving buggers out ... Oh, and I'm most definitely taller than Bercow... Then again so is Ronnie Corbet!
Lils.. definitely Prime Minister.
Beast from Clerkenwell...Culture Minister.
Idle...Foreign Secretary (Only because he likes posing on millionaire's yachts).
Scrobs..Business Secretary.
Lakes..Home Secretary.
Blue Eyes.. Minster for Justice
Tuscan Tony...Minister for Wimmin..
Philipa..Minister for Children.
Mermies... Minister for Fishing and Agriculture.
Elby..Chancellor of the Exchequer. (Only because he would want to be near to Lils).
.jpg/314px-Lilith_(John_Collier_painting).jpg){kind=small}
38 comments:
No tie and he seems to be wearing a cow pat upon his head, at least he isnt wearing a bow tie, the sure sign of a complete wanker (unless white or black).
He also has a very fat bottom , just like McMental and Portaloo.
Dan Hannan. Now I have nothing agin him, even though he has taken the trouble to learn Spanish, but, but, but... deary me. Doesn't he work at the Nationwide or somesuch.
Where is our Alec Douglas-Home, Campbell-Bannerman, Walpole, Lloyd George, Robert Arthur Talbot Gascoyne-Cecil, William Pitt, Winston Churchill, Benjamin Disraeli?
Mr Fuller
Why the fuck (excuse my French) would anybody wish to learn the Spanish language?
Mr. Breast. You'll have to ask my cleaner.
Excellent post, Lilith!
I've visted the site and have created my own version, which I'll post tomorrow.
I didn't know that about his bottom, Beast. He keeps it well hidden from the camera.
Mr Hannan has a very good accent, Mr Fuller. Impressive. I think Britain doesn't do statesmen any more.
Beast, my mother is learning Spanish.
Thank you Lakes! There are so many good ones. I should update the post with some of my favorites.
I know a few words of Spanish. It's very useful when travelling in Spanish-speaking countries because - very sensibly - they aren't interested in people who can't be bothered to try speaking their language.
I don't particularly like Cam or his mates but I think we probably do need a wet soft leftie Tory to make the transition between the New Labour era and the repairing-the-damage era.
Wouldn't it be awesome if during Cam's presidency the Labour party collapsed and the government was attacked from the right rather than the left?
I remember once being up in that Blackpool for the Tory conference, though I have to confess that things didn't go too well. I thought I should grab the chance to write a few words in case I didn’t get another. As I wrote, My Man was fighting a rearguard battle to keep the hoards of proles from breaking down my boarding room door. Excuse my typing. I wrote what might have been a despatch from the living side of the great divide.
I don’t honestly know how they spotted that I was an old-style Tory. The day had gone so swimmingly and I would never have expected these new Tories to turn so mean quite so quickly. But that’s the problem with proles when they take the blue rosette. They don’t know their own minds. One minute they’re necking the cheap white wine and the next they’re taking offence at the merely suggestion that they don’t wash, are poorly educated, and have neither the breeding nor wits to be true Tories. Oh yes, I might have also hinted that they occasionally have sexual relations with members of their immediate family.
But don’t blame me. I say that the Cameron fellow has brought all this on himself. I’m all for modernisation, but it must be the right modernisation. Like the way I’ve allowed my estate managers to modernise the fences around my land by running a bit of electricity through them. That’s modernisation that’s both practical and traditional. Telling people that we’re all equal in the Tory party was a sure recipe for disaster. And who came up with this idea of the poor improving their lot? Who’s lot do you think they’re going to improve it with? My lot. That’s what.
Anyhow my Man saved the day again. His screams were frightening even when heard from the safety of a wardrobe.
I knew I should never have gone north, the moment I caught the scent of fish and chips outside the Watford Gap service station.
For the moment, I remain,
Bell´-Sauvage
I don't know how the Labour Party hasn't already collapsed BE.
Mr Belle-Sauvage,
It is a treat to have you visit.
I am sure that you would stand out like a sore thumb at any Conservative Party Conference.
Lilith you are even more alluring now that you are Mrs Berserk. Come dance with me 'neath the pale moonlight, and we will make a set of horns for your nearest and dearest.
These days I might well stand out like the proverbial at any Tory shindig; fantastic oafs the lot of them. Do you remember that program on the wireless about football? Fairyland Football, or something very much like that, had the smarty jew Badedas and that Northen Johnny on it, I think they were fairies. Anyhow they had a wish list of footballers. Do you recall?
Well what would be your Fairyland cabinet? Pick from any team, mix and match; opposites attract. Like a half chinese black lady with a Spanish accent.
Is Cyril Smith still alive?
Gosh, Mr B-S that is a tricky one. Must they be living, this fantasy cabinet of mine?
O don't see why, it's never been an issue in my love life.
Very good. I love these gizmos.
OK
How about Wat Tyler for Chancellor
Old Holborn - Justice Secretary
Hatfield Girl - Head of the Civil Service
Idle - Minister for Hunting Shooting and Fishing
Tuscan Tony - Foreign Secretary....
Very good Lilith! You are now thinking like a real politician, and putting all your friends into key jobs regardless of their talents.
Fuller! You toad. Where have you been?
... I put myself forward as the pps for the minister in human grease.
It is true Modo. I thought I would give you the Dept of Education...
And Kev for Transport, and Ishmael Smith for Minister without Portfolio
Mermaid could be PM
Beast seems to be fascinated with mens bottoms.
Great widget, thanks, Lils.
Scrobs could be Speaker.
Yes Pip, a long running theme :-)
I want to take Ed Ballbags job.
Every Monday The Beast would randomnly turn up at a school ,then take the most badly behaved pupil and beat the shit out of them after prayers in front of the whole school
It didnt work for me but gave everybody a laugh so a result and extra kudos
Yes, I think it would be better if you had the Education job, Beasty. I will make Modo Minister for Community Cohesion.
Are me and Steve "Toot-Toot" Hilton alone in thinking there's a touch of the Harry Potter about the last image of Cameron?
Yes indeed Modo, there may be something of the Slytherin about the chap. He will need to be a magician anyway, to get my vote.
Modo, that is really a very disturbing and amusing image of Cameron. I have emailed you.
Good grief, that third one is scary.
Yes, WoaR. It is. :-)
Magnificent, Modo. Beware, however - David wants you for his sunbeam.
Hellfire, somehow I've missed all this discussion, and now it's far too late...!
Bugger!
Modo is almost certainly a Sergeant at Arms, (see his avatar), but I'd never be Speaker, because I'd want to use that stick thing with a knob on the end to bash to death everyone on the right side.
I'd be like Heseltine - with less hair, and get arrested or something...
Trubes - Speaker, because she has the legs (Betty B. lookalike...)
Idle - Minister for Money.
Elbers - Minister for Height.
Lils - Minister for Extended Lunch.
Tuscs - Minister for Oil Futures.
Fuller - Minister for Villages. (435 at last count...)
Scrobs - Minister for Drainage.
And also,
Lakes - Minister for Propaganda (just imagine the photoshopping...)
Blues - Minister for Bicycles.
Pips, will you be my PPS?
Forget the drainage bit, just work out the expenses and we'll go halves...
Would I be able to claim for Scotton Pinkney as well as East Effscott do you think?
Scrobs that is a better plan.
Of course you would Mr Fuller. What is the point of being in Government if you can't double claim?
Flip with Beavershott Mr Fuller.
Scrobs:
I do not look at all like Betty Boothroyd, although I am quite flatterd to be likened to her.
Good idea about being Speaker....I'd soon sort the lying thieving buggers out ...
Oh, and I'm most definitely taller than Bercow...
Then again so is Ronnie Corbet!
Lils.. definitely Prime Minister.
Beast from Clerkenwell...Culture Minister.
Idle...Foreign Secretary (Only because he likes posing on millionaire's yachts).
Scrobs..Business Secretary.
Lakes..Home Secretary.
Blue Eyes.. Minster for Justice
Tuscan Tony...Minister for
Wimmin..
Philipa..Minister for Children.
Mermies... Minister for Fishing and Agriculture.
Elby..Chancellor of the Exchequer.
(Only because he would want to be near to Lils).
Modo.. Minister for Tact and Diplomacy.
Fantastic Trubes, except that I want to be a Special Advisor. I will make you PM :-)
http://www.flickr.com/photos/caledonianpark/4305774473/
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