Wednesday, 10 September 2008

History as understood by an 8 year old.

My Girl was babysitting when she should have been revising for A levels and her 8 year old charge was studying the same period in history...World War 2. They were discussing it and the lad asserted that the "war only ended when the Americans dropped a Nougat bomb and Poland was completely obliterated".... :-)

31 comments:

Scroblene said...

Which of course actually happened Lils!

Cadbury's had to manufacture a special consignement of chocolate pleasanteries, which had a small hole drilled in each end (not to be confused with the Monty Python 'steel bolt' and 'crunchy frog' debacle of later years).

They were sent via a small Morris 8Saloon, (in camouflage of course), to Bletchley Park, where the special mixture of nougat and plutonium was inserted by Miss Grace Boggis, a local leek straightener, using a small, oddly fashioned trowel invented by Arthur Nibble, a retired plutonium inserter.

After the drop from an aging Walrus biplane, the subsequent reversal of British bad luck ensued; the war ended abruptly, Poland became Kent, and Grace married Arthur at a secret ceremony in Santa Ronana - a distinguished educational establishment with a licence to get young ladies to start doing right...

You couldn't make it up could you...

Lilith said...

Well, you would need a leek straightener for that kind of delicate operation Scroblene wouldn't you? Thank goodness for the likes of Grace and Arthur! I always wondered about kentish vodka but you have made it all seem so right :-)

Old Holborn said...

He has already qaulified for an A*.

My children will be doing the International Baccalaureate instead of A levels.

I went to the school awards ceremony where my daughter picked up her award for French (she was born there and went through school until she was 10). You have never seen such a bunch of misfits and scially engineered fuckwits in your life.

" And the award for year 11 "Social politics and alternative learning" goes to Bwane Agdgdgdgbotototutu"

idle said...

I'd have given Bwane a badge just for correctly spelling her name.

Scroblene said...

'HIS' name actually Idle, and it is really spelt Bwane Mangrove-Throatwarbler...

Please get it right next time, or you'll come first instead of second for 'Non-competitive, non-combative, non-responsible activity in the interests of International Harmony' (Part 11a).

the resident village idiot said...

For those who may be interested, Grace, a voluptuous 38-23-34 only married Arthur because her real inamorata, a fellow whose name everyone has now forgotten, refused to give her his last Rolo. There is still debate in the village about the wisdom of his choice, but he is reputed to have lived happily ever after, spending his giros on oral reconstructive surgery after all his teeth fell out.

Lilith said...

My Girl once won a certificate for being the pupil who managed to "lose the most personal effects in a week". No, really. She may have even deserved it, but it struck me as rather negative reinforcement for an 8 year old. It was the only prize she won in three years. We changed her school and she cleaned up at prizegiving :-)

Lilith said...

"Please get it right next time, or you'll come first instead of second for 'Non-competitive, non-combative, non-responsible activity in the interests of International Harmony' (Part 11a)."

Er, I think you will find Harriet Harman has excluded white males from this qualification, Scrobbers.

Lilith said...

Old H, My Girl is mooting studying "Disaster Management" at uni...on the grounds that it is reputedly a doss and she could get a job in Brussels.

Although My Girl has a ridiculously large brain I didn't reject the idea out of hand, thinking that the macro might effect the micro so to speak and it could help her with her relationship with her father/tidying her room.

Lilith said...

RVI, I found him on Google, he was called Johnson and he turned up in Australia in the '70s, quoting a "need to get away from the smell of leeks" as his reason for emigrating.

Lilith said...

"I'd have given Bwane a badge just for correctly spelling her name."

Idle, you would make a great A level examiner.

killemallletgodsortemout said...

If Bwane is what I think he is, he'll probably get stabbed sometime soon.

Still, that's deferred success for you.

If Lilith)ette gets a degree in disaster management she would be ideally placed to become a SpAd in McSnot's cabinet!!

idle said...

I'm confused as to who has won what. (Which is also a trait of a modern examiner). Lil's daughter changed school and they made her clean up after prizegiving? Cruel swine. At least she will have no trouble tidying her room in order to get on well with her father.

Philipa said...

Scary what they're teaching them in schools nowadays. I suppose the lad can put on a condom perfectly and if he can't then Chris Bryant will see to it that he can. That sort of ignorance can NOT be ignored.

I can't get anyone in politics or the media to listen to my very valid points on children and families. No-one emails me, no-one visits my blog, I can't invite people to the house as it's such a f--ing mess and they wouldn't come anyway so I've saved myself a rejection there by living in a shit-hole - I knew there was a reason. I can't sleep now I'm home and Aldi and the banks still want money - they are now threatening baliffs. (I know i should do something) Actually LF has written a good blog post about war including WW2. He can't stand me either.

How lovely it is to be home and annoyed by the loud neighbours, sued by the very rich, ignored by the powerful and avoided by the rest.

Don't throw your job up folks, get run over by some stupid cow not looking where she's going then very inexpertly screwed by some persuasive liar and you too could be looked down on by all.

Thanks for the conversation folks, you kept me going for a very long time xxx

Lilith said...

I think we all keep each other going a bit Pip. I can't rant like I do on blogs or even TALK about politics with anyone but Elby on a normal day. It is reassuring to know everyone is out there.

Lilith said...

Fantastic Killem! She'd sort them out in no time.

"First, you have to sack the Prime Minister"

"Secondly, you must abolish the quangos"

"Thirdly you must reinstate hunting"

"Fourthly you must cut the welfare state"

"Fifth, but not least, you must call a general election.."

She's very good at organising little boys.

Lilith said...

"At least she will have no trouble tidying her room in order to get on well with her father."

You have placed your perceptive digit on it Idle. I am not holding my breath.

killemallletgodsortemout said...

Lilithette to the rescue!!!

RVI said...

In closing, may I just say that this is without doubt one of the most edifying threads I have ever had the good fortune to ponder. (Pause for a quick gibber...).

Nonetheless, I am still puzzled by everybody's ignorance of the dropping of the nougat bomb. It really was one of the best kept secrets of the last century. It is no surprise that our young plumbing friend has made no mention of it, but I am really astounded that nobody, but nobody, has yet noticed that all the nougat sold in "best part of England" bears a 'made in Poland' label. Now why would that be I wonder? En passant, it will be revealed in next week's Daily Babble that the real purpose of this concentric collider thingy in Geneva is actually to unravel the genetic make-up of extra-nutty nougat.

Remember, you read it here first!

Scroblene said...

Well, of course Residers! It is interesting that you were first to realise this phenomenom!

What is uncertain however, is the danger that The Lilithette, may be compromised into training to become the Kent Emissary to such an establishment (CERN is an acronym for Completely Exterminating the Recollections of Nibble - a small group of unsatisfied nougat blenders, who still steadfastly believe the original words in the new versions of the film in which Mr Gandalf Hilter of South West Kent, (nr Poland), gets very cross in the bunker, and arranges several times for Grace or Arthur to get inserted themselves).

I am sure that Lilith and Elbey will use her every persuasion to ensure that The Lilithette is protected, but as you and I know, we haven't got long, interviews are being arranged as we speak!

Lils, can you call me asap on the electric telephone, and we'll put plan B into place please?

I really don't know where this is taking us. On the last day of my holiday, I will ponder the comments, and try to rationalise everything in time for tiffin/leeks at 6.00pm.

By when it will be too late...

rvi said...

Monsieur Scroblene, je dois vous informer que CERN est La Centre Europeene pour Recherches Nougatinoise.

Also, Ms L has plans to emigrate to Syria, where I understand they do enjoy a good solid lump of nougat with their goat cheese and coffee breakfasts. She will be fine so long as she keeps her room tidy. The local equivalent of elfin safety are very hot on leaving unwashed jeans and muddy, or in this case sandy, plimsolls lying around on the floor for somebody to trip over.

By the way, I haven't seen any pictures of Walrus biplanes for years. I wonder if Theo Spark has any in his (doubtless tidy) cupboard

Lilith said...

Scrobs and RVI, fantastic insights, thank you. I just love to edify and be edified, it doesn't happen very often. But you havent mentioned Nougalon, the highly explosive material discovered when Gandalf Hitler went camping in kent and left his toblerone collection in the tent, with a rogue nightlight smouldering...

Lilith said...

I am extremely concerned that My Girl's safety might ultimately depend upon her keeping her room tidy...

rvi said...

Lilith dear, Nougalon was discovered thousands of years ago - and its very existence is the reason why Kent and Calais are no longer joined by the A2 extension.

kilod said...

I'm now doing your accounts in order to avoid tidying my room.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A10PvpbPJZw

and he meets me here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRjWvqGwBMQ

electro-kevin said...

I suppose ze Germanz smashed through the imagine-o line.

Scroblene said...

'Smouldering rogue' - my left foot Lils!

The 'Edification of the Nougalon' was the omitted chapter from 'Poland - whither Kent', a small insignificant pamphlet on how the Channel Tunnel went up in flames just a few hours ago!

What is absolutely uncanny is the coincidence appreciated by you - in need of more edifying no doubt, (ooooh...) and RVI, who clearly has access to other material which could explain a lot!

As for doing accounts, I am convinced that the triangulation of the issues on page 10, can be associated with the number of triangular pieces of Toblerone, divided by the number of times Arthur gave Grace one in the bell tent you so lovingly describe...

Being punched by Millwall supporters is just a sub-plot, and I would like you to ask Kilod why it's included in this fascinating, but obscure melange!

Lilith said...

Although it is true that my daughter is a Millwall supporter, that is in fact a red herring, as she doesn't look or behave anything like the youtubefeaturedmillwallsupporters. She has more hair, is prettier and can intimidate with a glacial stare more fearsomely than any skinhead could with a fist.

Lilith said...

I suspect they did Kev. I suspect they did. It seems Nougalon has been around much longer than the nation has been led to believe.

Lilith said...

Kilod my darling girl, I am tickled that my accounts satisfy as a displacement activity for tidying your room. We could live in perfect harmony....x

Lilith said...

But do I really have to catch a bus on Fridays? I know parking costs a bomb...And I need my lattes...